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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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After that, I head over to the main square. There’s this street performer doing some wild juggling act. I’m thinking, “This guy’s got skills!” But then, he drops a flaming torch. Like, dude, not cool! The crowd gasps, and I’m just standing there, mouth agape. He recovers like a pro, though, and I can’t help but cheer.

Italian minister highlights decline in irregular migration at Slovenia border